My Pheonix (Rate please!)

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My Pheonix (Rate please!)
Topic Started: Jul 27 2008, 12:40 PM (457 Views)
SamShadow	Jul 27 2008, 12:40 PM Post #1
Newbie Posts: 14 Group: Members Member #8,689 Joined: July 27, 2008	My Pheonix (Verse 1) Why can’t you see? I’m dying from the inside... Eveything that was a part of me, Has slowly and surely died... (Pre-chorus) (Spoken) The walls are closing in... (Chorus) You’re my pheonix! Rising from the ashes that resemble my life... Yeah, you’re my pheonix! You’re the only thing keeping me alive! (My bandmate's solo) (Verse 2) What’s wrong with me? Burning fire in my mind, It always comes back to one thing, You’re all that’s left for me... (Pre-chorus) (Chorus) (My solo) (Bridge) And now, The end has arrived! Darkness has taken over! But you still light the way... IN FLAMES! GO! (Twin solo) So now you’re gone, And I’m suffocating, Will this pain ever end? I need your light to guide the way... (Verse 3) In your book of broken hearts, Where is my name? In your house of lost dreams, Where’s my face upon that frame? In your life of haunted memories, Where am I? (Final chorus) ‘Cos you’re my pheonix! Risen from the ashes that resembled my life, Yeah, you’re my pheonix! You used to keep me... ALIVE! YEAH! ---------------------------------------- So, um, yeah. My first go at writing an actual song ever. What do you think?



monwobobbo	Jul 27 2008, 04:24 PM Post #2
Posts: 1,032 Group: Moderator Member #8,625 Joined: June 23, 2008	not bad kinda depressing and its a little unclear at the beginning. i'd try to work on the first verse some more to set the song up better. a little longer perhaps.
	and now for something completely different


Bullet	Jul 27 2008, 05:31 PM Post #3
Admin Posts: 1,912 Group: Admin Member #183 Joined: January 13, 2007	Quote: (Verse 1) Why can’t you see? I’m dying from the inside... Eveything that was a part of me, Has slowly and surely died... I don't like how you mention about dying twice there... it sounds like you are babbling on The lyrics seem ok overall though I would like to hear them in context though



henrynirvana	Jul 27 2008, 09:33 PM Post #4
Newbie Posts: 11 Group: Members Member #8,687 Joined: July 26, 2008	i agrre with both of the other replies but they are fair but it is good lyrics i would give that 7/10 but more if you do finel touches here and there



mynameisDavid	Jul 27 2008, 10:53 PM Post #5
Member Posts: 1,102 Group: Moderator Member #294 Joined: March 2, 2007	How about in the first verse instead of the second died why not faded?
	CHECK OUT MY BAND! Bands we've shared the stage with: TBD! (for now...) http://www.reverbnation.com/newasylum


Zuchini	Aug 28 2008, 10:52 AM Post #6
Member Posts: 37 Group: Members Member #8,772 Joined: August 27, 2008	The lyrics are good, but i can't rate any lrics if i don't know how the tune goes with it. If you've done the tune, recaord it and play it with the lyrics and post it on a link.
	Love You Italia!


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